Ah! nagrafe

Manco fossi un Degas, oggi sono andato all’anagrafe per una autentica.

AnagrafeGli uffici dell’anagrafe centrale di Torino si trovano nei locali dell’ex manicomio della città, il che naturalmente spiega molte cose. Un’intera ala del palazzo è piena zeppa di sportelli abitati da apatici bradipi dediti a un’unica grande attività: attendere con placida calma la fine del loro turno di lavoro. L’inefficienza dell’intero ufficio la capisci subito appena varchi la soglia: prelevi il ticket, scopri di essere 271esimo e di avere prima di te 103 persone.
Alcuni leggono il bigliettino, mugugnano qualche improperio, accartocciano il pezzetto di carta e se ne vanno. I primi cinque minuti della coda sono quindi dedicati a fare piedino ai pezzetti di cellulosa alla ricerca di un ticket con un numero più basso che, regolarmente, non c’è mai.

Rassegnato alla lunga attesa, ho girato i tacchi e sono andato a fare quattro passi nel torrido mezzogiorno estivo, sudando rabbia. Essendo una persona particolarmente apprensiva quando si tratta di code chilometriche e del rischio di perdere il posto, dopo circa mezz’ora sono tornato in quel grande manicomio che è l’anagrafe. Da 103, le persone davanti a me erano diventate 81: un piccolo passo per il burocrate, un grande passo per l’umanità.
Accovacciato su una delle scomode panchine, caritatevolmente inserite dal Comune di Torino nel lungo corridoio, ho pensato all’assurdità di dover sostenere quasi tre ore di coda per farmi dire da un completo sconosciuto che quello nella fototessera sono io. A pensarci bene, questa faccenda dell’autenticazione delle foto è una grandissima fesseria, specie se porti ad autenticare una fototessera uguale identica a quella utilizzata per la tua carta d’identità.

Dopo essermi annoiato da solo con questo genere di pensieri, ho concluso la diatriba tra me e me con un salvifico: la burocrazia segue una sua logica, inutile sindacare. Non avendo nulla da leggere con me, ho così segnato un nuovo record al videogame del mio cellulare, contato le piastrelle del pavimento intorno a me (83), cercato di capire a cosa rassomigliassero le aree del muro prive di intonaco (pipa, muso di un cane, orecchie di topolino) e cercato tutti gli anagrammi possibili per “certificazione” (cerca tizio fine, fine ozi accerti, zie cercai tonfi, zie cornificate, inizio tre facce, fiorite in zecca).

Coda Benché l’anagrafe fosse stracolma, incuranti del caos primordiale, verso le 13 circa la metà degli sportelli ha chiuso i battenti per andarsene in pausa pranzo (notare che gli uffici al venerdì rimangono aperti fino alle 13.50). Un numero imprecisato di impiegati comunali se n’è così andato ciabattando indolente, lasciando alle loro spalle una landa di sudore, fototessere, sangue, timbri e una babele di bestemmie.
Nella seguente ora di coda, ho considerato la possibilità di vendere il mio preziosissimo “ticket 271” al tizio che avevo affianco con il numero 323. Cento Euro e il biglietto sarebbe stato suo, ma prima di entrare nel vivo della contrattazione il potenziale strozzinato si è dileguato.

Alle 13:57 il tabellone luminoso ha finalmente sputato fuori il numero 271. Dopo essermi goduto per un brevissimo istante le endorfine, sono zompato allo sportello 13 dove mi attendeva un’impiegata comunale. Simpatica come una bobina di cartavetro nella schiena su uno scivolo dell’Aquafan, ha iniziato il lento rito sciamanico per autenticare la mia fototessera, sbuffando ogni quattro secondi circa per il caldo. Miss Lentezza 2008 ha preso la foto, l’ha piazzata sul foglio, poi si è ricordata che prima su quel foglio doveva stamparci la certificazione, poi si è ricordata che la sua stampante era senza inchiostro… Sei minuti per stampare un modulo, incollarci sopra una foto e fare un timbro. Se gli operai assunti da Henry Ford avessero lavorato a quei ritmi, probabilmente la prima Modello T non sarebbe ancora uscita dalla fabbrica.

Dopo quasi tre ore buttate nella cloaca della burocrazia, mi sono avviato verso l’uscita filosficamente cambiato. La vita è una lunga pausa tra una coda e l’altra all’anagrafe.

1,258 Comments

  1. Pierbacco

    Bravo, Anecòico! Un bel pezzo di colore ambientato in quel palazzo di Torino che non ha mai smesso di essere un manicomio…
    Pierbacco

  2. Anec…questa è una segnalazione per Brunetta. D’altra parte dopo tutta questa rabbia e questo sudore hai pienamente ragione a “fare la spia”.
    Ciao :))

  3. Credo che la ex sede del manicomio, attuale sede dell’anagrafe abbia conservato una funzione manicomiale: far diventare matti gli utenti.
    luigi

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