Chi è ancora costretto tra le calde vie incatramate delle nostre città pensa con ottimismo all’avvicinarsi delle tanto agognate ferie, crogiolandosi nel pensiero del dolce far nulla o pregustandosi viaggi in luoghi mai visitati dove fare una scorpacciata di cultura e arte, covando già una incipiente sindrome di Stendhal.
Viaggiare all’estero significa anche cercare di industriarsi per farsi capire dalle popolazioni autoctone, quei sei miliardi e mezzo di persone che di parlare l’italiano proprio non ne vogliono sapere. Le strategie adottate dal turista d’italica stirpe per farsi comprendere all’estero sono particolarmente diversificate, a testimonianza di quell’arte di arrangiarci che ci ha resi celebri (e spesso spernacchiati) in tutto il globo.
Al livello più alto troviamo l’italiano globetrotter, un vero esempio del turismo politicamente corretto: non usa sandali e pantaloncini corti, non urla per strada, rispetta la coda senza lamentarsi, dove non si può usare il flash non usa il flash, non scrive sui muri, parla un inglese semplice, ma pulito, e spesso anche un’altra lingua con la quale riesce sempre a farsi capire. Nello zaino non porta mai un pallone da calcio.
Al gradino subito inferiore troviamo l’italiano peri-globetrotter, una versione “vorrei ma non posso”: usa pantaloncini corti ma non i sandali, cerca di controllarsi ma parla spesso a voce alta per strada, fa la coda ma si lamenta in continuazione e teme sempre che qualcuno stia per fregarlo, usa il flash ma solo di nascosto, parla un inglese da scuola media inanellando spesso strafalcioni, ma riesce ugualmente a farsi capire. Nello zaino ha sufficiente carta stagnola per creare un rudimentale pallone da calcio.
Scendendo ancora nella classifica, troviamo l’italiano gitarolo, una versione mista tra il casinaro delle gite scolastiche di un tempo e della gitarella fuoriporta trapiantata all’estero: usa pantaloncini corti e usa i sandali con i quali va ciabattando indolente, parla quasi sempre a voce alta, se c’è coda rinuncia alla visita o cerca elaborati stratagemmi per evitarla, scrosta a colpi di flash qualsiasi opera d’arte in scioltezza, non parla inglese e si esprime principalmente a gesti alzando molto il tono della voce, con la convinzione che così l’interlocutore possa capire meglio. Nello zaino, rigorosamente Invicta con le scritte fatte con l’UniPosca, custodisce un pallone da calcio, l’ultima copia della Gazzetta dello Sport che è riuscito a procurarsi e un paio di batterie di ricambio per il suo cellulare.
Esistono naturalmente altre categorie ancora più in basso, su cui è d’uopo stendere un velo pietoso. I turisti che all’estero pretendono di parlare a tutti i costi l’italiano con la gente del luogo, tuttavia, mi hanno sempre colpito. Convinti probabilmente che le antiche glorie dell’impero romano debbano essere rimaste latenti nelle generazioni contemporanee, questi soggetti non azzardano nemmeno una parola dell’idioma locale, o di inglese, sforzandosi in tutti i modi di farsi capire parlando la lingua di Dante e prendendosela a morte se non vengono compresi.
Per questi soggetti irrecuperabili, oltre al consiglio di andarsene in vacanza ad Alberobello o a Forte dei Marmi, esiste Icoon, un interessante libretto creato per farsi comprendere dall’universo mondo. Il piccolo volumetto racchiude nelle sue pagine una enorme serie di icone, immagini, fotografie e disegni raffiguranti cibi, luoghi, azioni e molto altro ancora. Basta indicare sul libretto l’immagine desiderata al povero straniero malcapitato e tutto il mondo sarà paese.
Forse appartengo a un genere ibrido: il para-globetrotter. Calzoni lunghi, niente pallone, ma inglese con strafalcioni e qualche foto rubata dove non si potrebbe…
Pierbacco
Descrizione semplicemente perfetta.
Io appartengo al genere globetrotter. Infatti mi scambiano spesso per inglese…
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